The Suspension Bridge Effect
by S.miyuki
Summary: Trolling the whole town into believing that you were in a relationship with your archenemy wasn't really a big deal. Normally. But when you were Orihara Izaya and your archenemy just happened to be Heiwajima Shizuo… Well it was a completely different matter… especially since said archenemy was making a point of crossing all reasonable boundaries. Shizaya, Freudian Slip's Sequel!


**The Suspension Bridge Effect **

**Pairing:**** Shizaya **

**Raiting:**** M**

**Disclaimer:**** DRRR**** is still not mine, otherwise Shizuo and Izaya would have been the main characters and Shizaya would have been canon****.**

**Warning:**** Swearing****, Trolling, Still weird breaklines, an some inapr****opriate scenes**

**Note:**** This ****is a sequel of Freudian Slip, so if you didn't read it, this one probably wouldn't make much sense****.**

**English is still not my native language, but thankfully I've got a wonderful Beta this time around who was kind enough to correct this fic! So, special thanks to Rushi-Sama! **

**So without further ****ado... Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey did you hear?"<em>

"_I heard! About Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya, right? The new couple of 'Bukuro!"_

"_Idiiiiiot! There's no way those two could be a couple!" _

"_But they were kissing not so long ago!"_

"_I saw them today, they were fighting as usual!"_

"_I heard that Heiwajima was chasing after Orihara to beg for his forgiveness!" _

"_Eh? That's not it, Orihara was running for his life because he cheated on Heiwajima!" _

"_Stupid, that can't be true! That informant must have stolen Heiwajima's girl or something!"_

"_What?! No way! Izaya is definitely going out with Shizuo!" _

"_Isn't the whole thing just a huge prank, anyway? You know… the wonders of photoshop and all!"_

"_Bullshit! What about all those witnesses, genius?" _

"_An illusion!" _

_"The work of evil! It's the end of the world! Run for your life! LOL"_

"_Seriously? Who cares about what they're doing!?" _

"_I do!"_

_ "Me too! They're sooooo hot!" _

_ "WTF!?" _

"_Ah but if they're together, shouldn't they stop destroying Ikebukuro with their weekly fights or something?" _

_ "I know! Their fights are just like when normal couples bicker." _

"_LOL, then those two take a 'lovers' spat' to a whole new level!" _

"_Their lovers' spat is SOOOO scary!" _

"_Are you all stupid or something? Hasn't it occurred to you all that the reason they're fighting is, I don't know, because they're _enemies_!?"_

"_Spoilsport!" _

_ "Liar!" _

"…"

"…"

"_So…" _

_ "…. In the end…" _

"_Are those two really together or not?" _

.

Shizuo (ﾉ▼д▼)ﾉ ~┻━┻ … .::･┻┻ `(ﾉ*｀▽´*) Izaya

.

**Ikebukuro – Four days after the Slip**

Despite the commotion and polemical debate that was raging online about what some had labelled as 'one of the biggest WTF moment of Ikebukuro', outside, life was running its course as usual. Birds were chirping, people were doing what they usually did and vending machines were targeting obnoxious fleas.

"IIIIIZAAAAAAYA!"

Izaya sighed as he effortlessly sidestepped the vending machine flying his way. The poor thing found itself crashing through a shop window, successfully terrifying the shit out the lovely humans inside. The informant turned around and flashed a fake, pleasant smile toward the raging protozoan.

"Shizu-chan, throwing _flowers_ so passionately to me! Did you miss me that much?"

"Shut up, you damn flea!" growled Shizuo, pointing threateningly at Izaya with a mailbox. "What the hell are you doing here!?"

"Well… as surprising as it might sound to you, people actually need to do something other than chain smoking, growling and periodically destroying public property to earn money… Yeah I'm pretty sure it's called 'working'."

The result of his mocking tone was a mailbox swinging right at his head, forcing him to jump backwards to be out of the 'weapon's' reach.

"Bullshit! You don't do those kind of things in broad daylight! I know you like to do it in shady places where no one is looking!"

Izaya felt his lips twitching upward, not even trying to hide his amusement. Really, Shizu-chan was making it _so_ easy to tease him, it was a wonder Izaya never thought to do it before. "Well to each their own kinks, Shizu-chan… But personally, I do prefer to do _that_ on a bed, it's less dirty than 'in shady places where no one is looking'."

A confused scowl and approximatively two seconds of slow processing later, and that protozoan brain seemed to finally catch the double meaning.

"Wh- gh- Stop twisting my words like that, you damn flea!"

It would have sounded quite convincing if it weren't for the stuttering and the blush on his cheeks.

Izaya shrugged. "Geez don't be like that, I'm doing you a favor by pointing out all those innuendos…Doesn't it make you feel better to know that you are, in fact, a closet pervert?"

"WHO WOULD BE!?" the former bartender growled, swinging his makeshift weapon dangerously close to Izaya's nose.

"You seem particularly irritated today…" Izaya noted, while efficiently dodging the blond's attacks.

"Whose fault do you think that is!?"

For a short moment, Izaya entertained the idea of mentioning Shizu-chan's sexual frustration or something along those lines just to fluster him more, but before he could find a good way (as in the most irritating way) of phrasing it, his so-called archenemy was already going on, which was a clear sign that his already thin patience was running even _thinner_.

"_You _were the one sending those bastards after me, weren't you!?"

"Ah that…" Izaya answered casually, though he was feeling a little bit embarrassed. Thankfully his face didn't show anything, and he was hoping that Shizu-chan wouldn't notice, because for all his lack of common sense, the protozoan could actually be pretty sharp when he wanted to be, which coincidentally happened to mostly be when Izaya _didn't_ want him to be.

.

Izaya（；¬＿¬)

.

He had to admit that it hadn't been one of his proudest moments. After the initial shock of his own stupidity four days ago – because really, falling into a trap that he had so diligently explained in detail something like three minutes before; if _that_ wasn't the epitome of stupidity he didn't know what to call it – he had tried to get out this mess by doing what he did best: manipulating and talking his way out.

Izaya was pretty confident in his ability to fool anyone (to some extent) if he really put his mind to it (and if he had enough time to do so), because even the smartest of minds _did_ have a weak spot – something he could use to his profit – but manipulating _himself_ happened to be way more tricky. Because no matter how many subterfuges he could think of, they were basically useless since _he_ was already _aware_ of them. But Orihara Izaya was nothing if not inhumanly obstinate, so he had still proceeded to try and talk himself into believing that The Slip (_yes_ it needed very much to be capitalized and _no_ he wasn't being overly dramatic) didn't happen, that he should not think about or acknowledge it in any way… except that telling someone not to think about something was probably the most efficient way to make them _think_ about it…It had truly been quite a vicious circle… like slowly digging his own grave really…

That had then been followed by three long days of him being nearly lethargic on the outside, but leading a fierce internal battle that involved psychological jargon, statistics and analytical remarks, orders and sarcastic insults being thrown right and left by a dozen internal personas that Izaya had created just for the sake of a semblance of order and not to sound too crazy in his own head. Though admittedly creating alter egos just to have them try to outwit each other probably wasn't the best way to prove his sanity, but whatever…

After three days, the mind battle had been called a draw (because he didn't like the idea of anyone managing to outsmart him –even if it was himself – because he certainly did _not_ lose. He didn't win either, because winning would imply that his 'other self' had lost, which was totally unacceptable because he didn't like to lose… and there we were, back to that damn circle… So yeah, a draw had been the best compromise so far), when he had finally reached a conclusion that wasn't totally satisfactory but wasn't completely irrational either.

Alright so the Slip _did _happen, and it had been absolutely foolish of him not to acknowledge it. And he could admit that _maybe_ Shizu-chan's words had affected him… a little. He could not deny the feelings of thrill, exhilaration and trepidation each time he was near the dumb protozoan either, nor the fact that he was probably physically attracted to him. It could not be helped since Shizu-chan was far from ugly and Izaya had normal sexual urges. But it certainly did _not_ mean that he was suddenly _in love_ with the beast either (Freud and his unconscious subdued wishes be damned), just the _thought_ of positioning Shizu-chan on the same level as his lovely humans made him feel quite ill and nauseous, thank you very much!

Despite his new-found attraction, he was still felling thoroughly irritated and hostile towards that dumb, violent, unpredictable, always-somehow-messing-his-carefully-thought-out-plans, dumb protozoan (and yes saying 'dumb' twice was necessary). And of course he knew that denial wasn't just a river in Egypt, but he was absolutely _not_ in denial, merely stating the truth. After all, he didn't have Shizu-chan's strange ability to switch from one extreme of the emotional spectrum to the other in mere seconds, as if there were no middle ground at all. On the contrary, Izaya was all for a complex and refined mix of different emotional shades.

Yes, basically the situation wasn't really _that_ different even after the Slip – _both _Slips, Izaya reminded himself with a scowl – at least on his end of the matter, since he did not intend to act on this new (or not so new) attraction towards the beast, though it was entertaining to know that he had now found some new ways to aggravate the protozoan.

Then Izaya had felt so embarrassed and irritated to have lost three precious days thinking about the protozoan just to reach such a counter-productive conclusion, that he had suddenly felt the urge to go and track down all of Freud's potential descendants and make their lives hell… But after ten minutes of deliberation (and a quick Google search), Izaya had determined that it wasn't worth the effort and had decided to go for the second best choice target and had reached for one of his numerous phones.

.

╮(╯▽╰)╭ Izaya ... Shizuo (ﾒ■_■)y-～

.

"Well… you see…" Izaya explained with an innocent smile that, he was sure, wasn't fooling the protozoan, "I have recently made a very disturbing discovery… And it pissed me off a little so before I knew it…my hand slipped… and accidentally sent those messages… yeah…"

The informant saw one of the blond's eyebrows twitch at the explanation, which really wasn't explaining anything at all, and held back a smirk from spreading over his face, deciding to play the innocent card a little longer even if it wasn't fooling anyone.

"So let me get this straight…" Shizuo munched on his cigarette, his face distorting into an irritated scowl, "You _accidentally _sent my address to _five_ different gang's leaders, who _just happened_ to be nearby and _just_ _happened _to hold a grudge against me –"

"What an incredible coincidence, right?" Izaya chirped. "But to be fair, half Ikebukuro probably holds a grudge against you, so it's not _that_ hard to believe."

"… and _just happened _to be gathering their whole gang–"

"Well youngsters these days… they just love to move in group."

"…who just happened to be carrying dangerous weapons with them –"

"We live in a very dangerous area, Shizu-chan, of course they would have Tasers and whatnot in their pockets."

_And I will have to add 'Taser' to the list of 'Useless Weapons Against Shizu-chan'._

"… at three fucking AM!? As if I would believe that! Because of you I barely slept at all, you shitty flea!"

_That was the purpose, Shizu-chan_, Izaya thought. Because at the time his sleep-deprived and vindictive mind had reasoned that if Izaya wasn't able to sleep then Shizuo shouldn't be able to either (it was the damn beast's fault in the first place, so it was only fair that he should take his share of the responsibilities, right?). It had sounded like a magnificent idea at the time, but now that Izaya wasn't tired anymore and was able to think straight he had to admit that it had been poorly done… Surely he could have been able to find better ways to use those five gangs…

… Like sending them separately with one or two hour intervals instead… That way Shizu-chan wouldn't have been able to sleep _at all_.

_Ah… What an error of judgment! A pity really…_

Izaya felt one of his phones buzz in his pocket, but ignored it. As confident as he felt against the protozoan, even _he_ wouldn't dare checking his phone in this kind of situation. And he could guess who it was and what it was about, anyway… His humans could be quite impatient sometimes… He resented Shizu-chan a little for making him late to his appointment, but well, he would deal with it later… After all it wasn't the fact of being late that irked him per se. No, he usually couldn't care less about being late (except when it was an appointment with Shiki-san, because he would quite like his head to stay where it was, thank you very much). He was just feeling slightly irritated because it was _Shizu-chan's_ _fault_ that he was late.

"Now, now don't be like that." Izaya chided in a patronizing tone that he knew was pissing the blond off, though admittedly anything coming out of his mouth had the natural ability to piss the bodyguard off. "Wasn't it fun? Like a pajama party, protozoan style, ne?"

"Don't 'ne~' me, you bastard!" Shizuo growled, spitting his half consumed cigarette on the ground, and stomping on it with his foot.

Reddish-brown eyes flickered to the discarded white cancer stick and a distracted part of the back of his mind couldn't help but wonder if Shizuo had ever managed to finish one of his cigarettes or if all of them had received the same treatment. It was no wonder the blond was so poor if he was wasting quite pricey cigarettes like that… well that and the daily mass-destruction of public property that he had to pay for…

"Ne! Ne, Shizu-chan! Are you pissed off because they interrupted your beasty sleep or…" Izaya smirked, "…because you wanted _me_ to sneak into your room in the middle of the night?"

"Like hell! I'D KILL YOU!" Shizuo yelled, violently throwing the mailbox towards Izaya, though the reddening of his cheeks didn't go unnoticed by the informant. It would have been quite cute really, if the blush wasn't plastered on the face of a one hundred and eighty-five centimeter, dumb, blond beast that could probably crush you with his little finger.

"Oya… Sleep deprived Shizu-chan is even less patient and way more violent than usual, how surprising ~" Izaya taunted, while easily dodging the mailbox that crashed mercilessly to the ground, breaking instantly and scattering a dozen letters everywhere. The brunet glanced at the mail on the ground and faked an expression of horror and indignation. "Oh my! Look at what you did, Shizu-chan! What if one of these letters contained something important!? Like a check for a very important surgery, or words from a wayward father that wanted to reconcile with his children? Maybe you just destroyed their life, Shizu-chan, isn't that horrible!?" Then he chuckled carelessly. "Oh by the way what's 'mailbox' in protozoanish?"

"Shut the fuck up."

And surprisingly enough, Izaya did. His eyes even widened for fraction of second as he was taken off guard by the oddly calm tone in which Shizuo had said those words. It took Izaya a few seconds before he recognized it, and he froze slightly when he did: it was the same tense atmosphere as four days ago when they were talking on the phone. And it could only mean one thing: Shizu-chan was switching from the blushing school girl and easily flustered mode to what Erika-chan would have called 'Shizu-chan's seme mode'.

As if to prove Izaya right, Shizuo's voice deepened into a menacing and feral tone. "Didn't I tell you that next time I saw you in 'Bukuro, I'd make you pay? And you still decided to show yourself, knowing that it would piss me off, right? It means that you're prepared to face the consequences, right? So no matter what I do to you, you won't complain, right… _I-za-ya-kun?_"

Izaya felt a shiver run down his spine and silently cursed his own body for reacting in that way. It was just his name being called and a few empty threats, for god's sake! Realistically speaking, Shizu-chan didn't have the talent or the experience to back up his threats, he _knew _that! So he wasn't supposed to react, even if _that_ voice had literally made all the hairs on the back of his neck rise apprehensively. And –

_Stop channeling your inner uke side and move NOW! _

Izaya started, all his internal alarms were ringing and he could feel his preservation instinct and reflexes kick in, making him leap backwards, dodging the hand that was trying to grab him just in time.

_Whaa! That was close! So dangerous, can't let my guard down… _

He could felt cold sweat trickling down his cheeks and his heart thumping erratically in his chest, but he managed to hide it as he expertly darted out of the blond's attempts to catch him. "Really, Shizu-chan, that kind of twisted logic will only bring you trouble in the future…"

"Tch' _you_'re the one bringing me trouble! Stop moving!"

_Well at least that part hasn't changed much… _

His phone buzzed again and Izaya took it as his cue to leave. Not that he was particularly bothered about being late to his appointment – or rather he couldn't care less, this was a new client, with an extraordinarily boring case that only took Izaya less than an hour to solve, and the only reason he had picked it in the first place was because it was in Ikebukuro.

In fact, he was quite fascinated by Shizu-chan's sudden change of behavior, and he would like to be able to study it more profusely… but preferably from afar…. when his ass wasn't literally in direct danger.

"No can do, I _do _have some preservation instinct after all ~ Now if you would excuse me, I have some things to take care of, so… Ja!"

Izaya waved his hand childishly as he turned around and dashed away as fast as he could.

"You think I'll let you escape?" Shizuo growled dangerously, sprinting right after him.

.

Shizuo (╬◣д◢)! ! . . . C= C= C= C= C= ┌(￣ｰ￣)┘ Izaya

.

After fifteen minutes of relentless chasing, Izaya couldn't help but scowl. He didn't need to look back to know that the blond was still hot on his heels, after all Shizu-chan wouldn't know the meaning of 'stealth' if it was an atomic bomb exploding right above him.

Fifteen minutes was by no means a long time, or rather by their standards it was quite insignificant (their record being around four and a half hours – it had been when they were in high school, young, stupid (Shizuo), without anything better to do (Izaya) and with way too much free time).

It wasn't quite the amount of time, but the way Shizu-chan was chasing him that irked him. Usually, Shizu-chan would pick up a ridiculous amount of makeshift weapons to throw at Izaya, and while doing so didn't slow him down _that_ much, it still allowed Izaya to increase the distance between them. But now, while there was still some road signs and trash cans involved, it was only once in a while, as if the protozoan was more intent on catching him than crushing him. Which in the long run did not sit well with Izaya at all…

Izaya refrained from a sigh; this situation was starting to get way more tedious and dangerous (though admittedly it was _always_ dangerous when dealing with that protozoan - this time it was just a different kind of dangerous) than he had thought.

"Quite persistent today, aren't you?" He said without turning around. Shinra had once commented that it was quite incredible for them to be able to communicate normally (as in without needing to yell to be heard) while they were in the middle of their chases. Izaya supposed it was something they'd picked up along the way.

"As if you don't know why." Shizuo shot back.

"Funny. One would think – with the way you're relentlessly chasing me now – that you want to fuck me more than you've ever wanted to kill me." Izaya noted.

The remark was clearly an attempt to unsettle the blond into making him stop short and awkwardly try to deny the accusation. Izaya didn't need much time; even two seconds would be enough for him to make an abrupt turn into the next alleyway – an apparent dead end – use the dumpster to reach the emergency ladder, take advantage of the few seconds it would take the blond to catch up to him and realize that he couldn't possibly have been able to disappear from a dead end alleyway, to make it to the top and lose Shizu-chan somewhere on one of the roofs nearby… and there was always the chance that the protozoan would be so flustered that he would stumble on some gravel, crash to the ground, smash his head painfully open and die of blood loss in the process… if Izaya was really, _really _lucky….

Yeah, right.

_Well one can always dream._ Izaya thought drily.

But lucky accident aside, Izaya really only needed the two seconds for some leeway to escape. So if only Shizu-chan would be his kind little protozoan self and react the way Izaya wanted, it would be perfect.

But instead, the blond emitted a contemplative hum, obviously considering the question and didn't even stop running.

Izaya could feel his eyebrows twitch in irritation as he ran past his convenient planned escape route. Of course, he should have known that since the protozoan rarely (or never) acted according to his predictions, he wouldn't start now.

_Bzzzt… Bzzzt… Bzzzt… _

Izaya's eyebrows twitched again.

His phone had been buzzing relentlessly since Izaya had started running. At first he had thought that it was adorable that his human was so desperate that he felt the need to call him this often. Now it was seriously grating on his nerves.

_I love humans. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. _Izaya reminded himself a little forcefully, sounding like a mother that was trying not to snap at her obnoxious child… or a psychopath that was trying to enumerate reasons not to kill his ranting jealous girlfriend. Not that 'love' could really count as a valid reason not to kill someone… really, one just had to check the number of 'crimes of passion' out there to know that 'lover' was not a murdered-proof status.

"Yeah. You're probably right."

Izaya's first instinct was to marvel at Shizu-chan's apparent new skill in telepathy… then he wondered how the blond could possibly agree with him about _anything _in general, and more specifically about his last thought, when the protozoan's view about 'love' was as idealistically and ridiculously pure as Izaya was smart (which means _a lot_)… But who cared, really? If Shizu-chan could read minds, then he wouldn't last three seconds in Izaya's. Which meant that he had finally found a way to exterminate that damn protozoan… well not really exterminate as the blond's mind would just have short-circuited… but a brain dead Shizuo was pretty close to a 'dead Shizuo' anyway, so it was all fine…

_Ah all the possibilities! What to do!? What to do!? What to do!?_

… _then_ he remembered he'd made a comment about Shizuo wanting to fuck him more than wanting to kill him and realized that the protozoan had probably just answered. Well, it was the rational explanation anyway… But it couldn't hurt to test out the other possibility, right? Just in case…

But it needed to be something that would make Shizuo react for sure… Hm… Let's see…

_Shizu-chan, if you can hear me, I will be magnanimous enough to let you discover the wonders of sex before reducing you to a vegetative state_…

He waited for a second since Shizu-chan always needed more time than him to process information. But when nothing came, he felt slight disappointment sink in. There went one of his plans to murder the blond again…It occurred to him, that maybe he should have felt a little bit embarrassed at coming up with such a 'silly' conclusion in the first place, but he quickly waved the thought away. After dealing on a near-daily basis with a headless woman, a demonic possessing sword and a man that could lift vending machines as if it were nothing, Shizu-can suddenly coming with the ability to read minds wasn't really that far-fetched. He would even go as far as to say that it fit quite nicely into the picture.

Such a shame really, he could have had so much fun with torturing the blond until–

_You can get a kick out of plotting Shizu-chan's murder LATER, when you are safe at home and can spin in your swivel chair for the mad psychopathic effect. For now FOCUS on what is going on and please do let the meaning of the protozoan's answer sink in. And for God's sake, dodge that damn lamppost, _NOW!

Izaya snapped back to reality, just in time to realize that he was running straight into a lamppost, and sidestepped it just before what would have been quite a painful and _ridiculous_ collision (because he could dodge _moving_ and flying lampposts, there was no way he would let himself be hit by a _static_ one!). Maybe he should have stayed at home and slept a little more, after all… He always tended to get distracted easily – well more than was usual at least – when he had not rested properly beforehand.

Then he had to restrain himself from looking back incredulously at the ex-bartender, when the full implication of the answer _finally _sink in.

_And to think that you were complaining about Shizu-chan's slow mind; you're even worse than him sometimes! _His mind scoffed at him.

_Now, now that was totally uncalled for. _

He then tried to detect any kind of deception in the answer, in case the blond was attempting, against all odds, to unsettle _him_, but… that deep and very calm voice… nope, Shizu-chan was deadly serious… _damn him_.

"Really, now?" he drawled, his hand twitching slightly in his pocket as he held himself back from throwing his damn-irritating-non-stop-vibrating-phone at the blond's head in a purely protozoanish fashion. Because really, chucking a smartphone at someone simply lacked the epic effect of a good ol' vending machine. "Aren't you being awfully honest now? What happened to your whole 'closet pervert' act?"

There was a short moment of silence in which Izaya was pretty sure the blond had shrugged, then seemed to realize that Izaya couldn't see him with his back turned, before he finally took it upon himself to answer.

"Why the hell would I lie!?... and I don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about, flea."

Izaya definitely didn't like this side of Shizuo… He was hard to deal with in a whole different way to his usual unreasonable self, and Izaya wasn't quite sure of how to act to tip the balance in his favor as of yet, since his usual tactics hardly seemed to be working.

It certainly didn't help that his childish, petty, vindictive side was currently quite offended at Shizuo's easy admission. As if acknowledging that seven years of loathing and desire of mutual destruction could be complemented, or worse, _transcended_ by physical attraction, was the most logical and natural thing to do and should only require a few seconds of consideration. Izaya's seventy-two hours to reach a similar (and _lesser_) conclusion seemed quite ridiculous when compared to the protozoan's two seconds.

_Piss me off_.

And _no _he didn't have a Shizuo complex, damn it!

It was that same childish, petty, vindictive, _stupid_ side that made him prone to emotional, impulsive and irrational outbursts…such as thinking that it was somehow a brilliant idea to _stop_ mid-chase and turn around to face the beast, with no plans whatsoever.

_Well… We ought to be trying new tactics, ne? _

_And since when did 'new' become synonymous with 'suicidal', I wonder?_

Thankfully the blond stopped as well, obviously taken aback by Izaya's abrupt change of behavior.

"Yes I would find that quite disturbing as it would imply that your brain had the ability to follow and understand my thoughts processes, which would obviously lower me to the same level as a protozoan." Izaya said, willing away the irritation that threatened to leak into his voice. That was when he noticed that something other than irritation was swirling inside him, and he couldn't help but freeze as the _thing_ – which was so, _so_ much worse than showing irritation – slowly but surely bubbled towards the surface, threatening to overthrow his perfect composure.

Hazel eyes traveled to his face and stared at him strangely for a moment. Izaya inwardly swore as he realized that the blond had probably noticed that something was wrong. He forced himself not to fidget under the scrutiny and tightened his already quite tight grasp over his body's reactions.

"You." Shizuo said accusingly, frowning as his eyes studied him intensely. "You're acting weird and you're trying to change the subject. Why?"

The beast looked genuinely confused and Izaya would have taken the opportunity to make fun of him, if it weren't for the fact that Shizuo's remark was completely spot on.

Izaya could practically see the gears slowly turning behind those hazel eyes as the blond was trying to understand what was going on. And a feeling of dread started to slowly swell within him at the thought of Shizu-chan being able to see right through him… And to his utter horror he was feeling his control slowly start to slip away, because even _he _couldn't repress his natural bodily reaction for that long… Which meant that the situation was bad, utterly and unbelievingly _bad_.

But instead of letting his slowly rising discomfort register externally, Izaya forced a pleasant smile onto his face, even as his eyes turned cold and murderous. "You shouldn't try to think too much into it, as the intricacy of the concept would be lost on you, Shizu-chan… We wouldn't want to overload that poor little brain of yours, ne?" He uttered in the most sickeningly sweet voice he could manage.

Shizu-chan seemed to be stunned by… something… Izaya didn't know what exactly, but for once he didn't try to find out and took advantage of the blond's momentary distraction to back away.

"Now if you would excuse me, I _do_ have more important things to do than humoring you."

He half-expected to have a dozen random makeshift weapons flying towards him, but after a dozen seconds, it was clear that none would be coming his way, which meant that either the protozoan was tired of the chase and decided to let him go for the day, or he was still dumbfounded by whatever had stunned him in the first place… Either way, It allowed Izaya to ease up a little, and to take refuge in one of the numerous dark alleyways as soon as he assessed himself to be far enough from the protozoan.

Making sure that there was no one around, Izaya leaned on a wall.

"Well fuck…That was utterly pathetic. " he groaned, as he felt his cheeks burning and his heartbeat accelerating obnoxiously in some sort of annoying delayed reaction that he would have gladly stomped on if he could, "So much for not letting myself be unsettled by the protozoan…"

That was not good… So, _so_ not good at all. It had been so foolish of him to forget to take into account the effect that that thrice damned protozoan would have on him. Especially since his body – that traitor – had quite the annoying tendency to ignore orders from his brain and to act on its own whenever Shizu-chan was around.

He allowed himself a few seconds of self-deprecating chuckles, before slapping himself. Not hard enough for it to truly hurt or leave a mark on his skin, but enough of a sting to shake some sense into him. "Get a grip, Izaya. Still have work to do today."

.

（/｡＼) = ) =) =) Izaya x Shizuo (￣■￣;) WTF!?

.

**CHATROOM**

.

.

.

_No one is in the chatroom right now…_

_No one is in the chatroom right now…_

_Tanaka Taro-san has joined the chatroom._

.

_Tanaka taro_: Hi! Is anyone here?

.

_Setton-san has joined the chatroom._

.

_Setton_: Hi!

_Tanaka Taro:_ Setton-san! It's so rare to find you online at this time of the day.

_Setton:_ Well, yes, I was on my break, playing with my phone when I received the notification. And since we usually chat after dinner, I was wondering what it was about.

_Tanaka Taro:_ I see… Actually, I just saw some posts on the net saying that Orihara Izaya was back in Ikebukuro and that he was being chased by Heiwajima Shizuo.

_Setton:_ …well, those two are always like that :p It can't be helped.

_Tanaka Taro:_ But they said that Izaya-san was very mad at Shizuo-san about something, and that's why he hasn't made an appearance in Ikebukuro for four days. That Shizuo-san was chasing him today because he wanted to be forgiven.

_Setton:_ What!? That's impossible! Shizuo wouldn't do anything that required forgiveness! I mean… er… Are you sure? It's probably just some groundless rumors.

_Tanaka Taro:_ I don't know for sure, which is why I wanted to talk to Kanra-san about it.

_Setton:_ Eh? What does Kanra-san have to do with it?

_Tanaka Taro:_ Ah…Well, doesn't Kanra-san always seem to know everything going on in Ikebukuro? I thought she would know something about that too.

_Setton:_ Well it's true… But she doesn't seem to be here.

_Tanaka Taro_: Yes… It's unfortunate, she's probably busy right now. I really wonder what's going on with them.

.

_Saika-san has joined the chatroom._

_._

_Saika:_ Ah, hello everyone! Did we change the chatting time? Sorry!

_Setton:_ Hi! No, it wasn't planned at all.

_Tanaka Taro_: Good afternoon. Yes don't worry, it's just a coincidence.

_Saika_: I see… So what were you talking about?

_Setton:_ About Izaya coming back to Ikebukuro and fighting with Shizuo again.

_Saika:_ Oh. If it's Izaya I saw him walk past me, about five minutes ago. Shizuo-san was nowhere to be seen though.

_Tanaka Taro_: EH? Where?

.

ψ(｀∇´)ψ Izaya

.

Izaya took a few calming breaths, rearranged his jacket and put a perfectly detached expression on. Nothing from his steady steps to his nonchalant gestures would betray the fact that he had been involved in a mad relentless chase less than five minutes ago, as he walked into a seemingly random and obscure alleyway.

It was still the middle of the afternoon, and despite the fact that the sun was still shining brightly in the sky, only a few dim rays here and there passed through the scattered buildings nearby, making the alleyway look quite gloomy and unwelcoming.

It was the kind of place where you half-expected something to suddenly jump out of the shadows and attack you.

But that didn't deter the informant at all as he continued to move steadily forward, humming lowly to himself as his sharp eyes quickly scanned his surroundings. He spotted a shady figure a few meters away and rolled his eyes at the too-obvious restlessness in his movements. From where he was, Izaya could easily pick up the vibes of paranoia and edginess that the man was exuding. Izaya didn't even need to read the man's file to know that he was the type to be afraid of his own shadow… which was why Izaya had picked this particular alleyway as the meeting point… No, okay, that was a lie, he had chosen this place because it was in Ikebukuro, but still, some part of him had been curious as to whether or not the paranoid man would enter such an alleyway. So the fact that his client was still _there_ waiting for him – even though he was scared out of his mind – was a clear indication of how truly desperate the man was.

_Well… I suppose the 76 missed calls were a dead giveaway… But still…_

_Bzzzzt Bzzzt. _

_Calling me again? Seriously, it's getting – Ah no, it's from another phone… _

Curious, Izaya fished it out and glanced at the screen.

_This one is… Kanra's? Ah a notification from the chatroom… from Mikado-kun? _

The raven stared at the screen, and then at his client that looked like he was going to wet himself or have a heart attack, and then back at the screen again… Looking at what Mikado could possibly want at this time of the day was way more tempting than meeting with his client but…

_Work first_. _You can still check the log later. _

He sighed, putting the phone back in his pocket. He forced a pleasant half-smile onto his lips as he took another step forward and cleared his throat loudly to alert his client to his presence.

Said client nearly jumped out of his skin, making jerky movements that implied his readiness to flee at a moment's notice... "O-o-orihara-san?" he asked warily and shakily.

"Ah yes… Please excuse me for the delay." Izaya said not even bothering to sound anything remotely close to apologetic, "Some matter had come up and I had to take care of it immediately."

The man relaxed a little as he got confirmation of Izaya's identity and chuckled weakly, trying and failing to hide his nervousness. "I…it's fine… I hope it wasn't too troublesome."

_You have no idea…_

Izaya's polite smile became strained at the thought of Shizu-chan, but thankfully, it completely went unnoticed by the man. "Not really… A vending machine just nearly ran into me, that's all."

The man blinked in confusion. "You mean, you nearly ran into a vending machine?"

"No, No, you heard me right. A vending machine crashed just near me. You see, it's a natural phenomenon in Ikebukuro, to have public property (anything really; from benches and vending machines to road signs) flying randomly towards people. You should be aware of that if you really intend on living in Ikebukuro in the future… "

He saw his client paling visibly. "B-But surely it isn't something that happens frequently."

He made a pensive noise. "Hm, I'm not sure… It Is truly a mysterious and fascinating phenomenon… but I heard that it occurs more frequently when a tall blond man in a bartender suit is around…Ah! But there is a way to prevent it from happening, you see, you just have to –"

.

(-᷅_-᷄๑)!? Shizuo

.

There was something wrong with the flea.

Well, no, Shizuo amended, everything with the flea had always been wrong and twisted on so many levels, so it would be more correct to say that he was acting strange by 'flea standard'.

By no means, did Shizuo claim to be able to follow the flea's thought processes, or to be an expert in the flea's behavior (no one except Izaya would be able to find their way in that over-developed brain of his… in fact he suspected that even _Izaya _got lost in there from time to time – it would certainly explain his lapses of madness); but he was pretty proud of his gut-feeling-radar, that could, most of the time, detect Izaya's bullshit from miles away.

So of course, he had noticed right away when the louse had started trying to change the subject, and _worse_ when Shizuo had confronted him about it, even though the raven had cleverly dissimulated it behind his usual barbs, it was clear to Shizuo that the flea had all but _fled_.

At first glance, it didn't really seem that unusual, since Izaya was always running away from him. But this was totally different, because… usually the flea managed to flee without _really _fleeing… because fleeing suggested some kind of defeat, right? Like some kind of: 'I couldn't beat you so I had to run away' kind of feeling… But Izaya wasn't running because he was losing…no, on the contrary, the running in itself was his way of fighting Shizuo – like a challenge or a whole new game of cat-and-mouse. So even if the flea was the one running away, it was always _Shizuo_ who felt like he'd lost the game when he didn't manage to catch him.

But this time… the flea had _backed_ _away _from an implicit challenge, had truly _fled_. And it had completely baffled Shizuo. So much that he had actually let Izaya slip away without even half-heartily throwing something at him… So much that for now he didn't even _care_ that the informant was gone, he just wanted to know _why_!

What had made him so nervous that he felt the need to run away?

For a short and irrational moment of panic, Shizuo wondered if Izaya had finally gained some common sense and had become afraid of his strength, but quickly cast the thought away.

_He has never shown one ounce of fear for seven years, so why would he suddenly be afraid now!? Plus he started to act strange when I said –_

Hazel eyes widened as realization dawned in them, and everything clicked into place. Shizuo slowly raised his hand to cover his mouth, muffling the chuckle that came out.

Right. So… Kissing in front of half of Ikebukuro was totally okay… Making the whole town – their friends and families included – believe that they were a couple was fun… Threats of teasing, flirting and fucking were apparently fine too… but letting the other know that killing them wasn't your first priority anymore and that you would like to have sex with them more, was like committing the worst sin _ever_, and apparently very embarrassing and offensive by the flea's standards?… Go figure.

"You're so damn weird, flea." Shizuo couldn't help but grin, as he fished a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it.

A serene smile grazed his lips as he again began to walk slowly in the general direction he thought the flea had gone.

Now that he knew Izaya wasn't broken or anything, just being his weird shitty self, he had a flea to catch.

.

◯０o。(ー。ー)y~~ Shizuo

.

_Want!Want!Want!Want!_

Shizuo was looking around, trying to catch sight of the shitty informant in his fur trimmed jacket, when he spotted a familiar figure, leaning on a lamppost and frantically tapping on a smartphone, a motorbike parked beside her.

"Yo." he called, munching on his cigarette.

She jumped, her phone nearly slipping from her hand. But what was strange was that when she recognized him, she suddenly started to make nervous waving movements with her arms.

_The hell!? _

"'Something wrong?" He asked her, not bothering to hide his concern.

She seemed to hesitate, then answered… [Ah, no it's nothing, don't worry about it.]

"Are you sure?" He frowned, wondering what could possibly cause Celty to react in that way.

[Yes.]

"Right." Shizuo wasn't one hundred percent convinced, but he certainly wasn't going to badger Celty about it. She could take care of herself after all. "Say, did you see Izaya around there? I'm looking for him."

Celty jumped again and if she had had a head, she would probably have stared at him incredulously. Not that Shizuo blamed her, it was quite a strange question coming from him.

[Izaya? Why?]

For a moment he swore he saw her helmet leaning towards her phone, as if her 'eyes' were lingering on whatever she had been doing on it.

_Strange_.

"Ah…" Shizuo scratched his cheek, slightly embarrassed.

_I can't just say that I want to find the flea to fuck him senseless, right?_

"Hm…We… hum… saw each other, but it didn't really go well, and the flea ran away…So I have to find him because… There's something that I really need to do."

Celty nodded but didn't 'say' anything for a while, obviously considering his answer, and then slowly tapped on her PDA [Does it have anything to do with Izaya's four days of absence?]

The blond blinked, "Huh… dunno… probably? He's so fucking hard to understand."

Those gangs coming to his home at 3 AM were probably some form of revenge for Izaya, though he had absolutely no idea what he could have done to make the flea go all bitchy on him.

Celty's shoulders slumped and even if she had no head, Shizuo got the feeling that she was sending a disappointed look his way. But he quickly shoved that thought away, why the hell would she be disappointed anyway?

"But I guess it can't be helped, since he's Izaya, right? Being overly complicated and shitty must be written into his DNA."

His best friend seemed to be lost for words at first, so much so that he had to wonder what kind of face he was pulling for her to be so shocked, but then she recovered and quickly tapped on her PDA. [You… seem really calm… even though you just fought with Izaya.]

Shizuo wasn't really surprised that she knew about the fight, even though it was about something that only happened something like ten or fifteen minutes ago. After all, news were always travelling at such mind-blowing speeds –especially in Ikebukuro – that he couldn't possibly fathom it even if he tried.

"Ah yes." He smiled, sheepishly ruffling his hair, trying to find a way to explain what he was feeling. "It's not as if I'm not angry anymore, I can still feel it boiling right inside me… and he still pisses the hell out of me… but it's kind of different now, you know…"

_Instead of wanting to smash his head into the ground to make him shut up, now I want to shove him onto the nearest flat surface available and make him cry…. Gugh… I can't say that out loud, right?_

"Whenever I get angry… I always try not to snap first, y'know, 'cause I hate violence… But in the end I always lose my temper and it's like all the self-control I had, has been used up on trying not to go berserk before, so when I actually snap, there's nothing left… And it only pisses me off even more, but at myself, 'cause, it's my damn body, right!? So why can't I control it? Why does it force me to do something I hate? It's –"

Shizuo trailed off when he noticed that he was starting to lose his temper again, and heaved a sigh.

"Anyway… Now it's different because, even if I get angry, my anger is directed at something other than destruction and… well I guess since I'm using my strength for something that I actually _want_ to do, I don't need to fight my own body, right? So I still got some self-control left… It's the first time that I can actually be myself even though I'm using my strength, even though I'm completely pissed off. And that's 'cause I'm entirely focused on _him_ so I can force my anger to stay under the surface and I can control it 'cause I know that no matter what – even if I let it slip accidentally – he won't break..."

He smiled fondly, without even realizing it.

"It kind of makes sense – in a sort of very-fucked-up way – that _he_ would be the one to be able to piss me off and calm me down at the same time, right? It feels good… and I guess peaceful?"

The blond chuckled lightly, "Well, not as peaceful as I would have liked… 'cause really it's like chaos inside my head and body whenever the flea is around. He's so annoying, always babbling fucking nonsense and his voice grates on my nerves, making me feel all weird… Makes me want to do strange things –"

_Want to kiss him… Want to make him shut up… Want to make him LOOK AT ME and only ME and stop getting lost in his own head… Want to make him cry MY name… Want him to stop running away because he has some 'more important thing' to do… Want to make him lose his head for once…_

_Want him. Want him. Want him. Want him. Want him. _

"And well, I guess that it's the most peaceful (in a chaotic sort of way) I can ever get with the flea around. So yeah… I'm 'calm'." Shizuo finished quite lamely.

Once again, Celty seemed to be quite stunned by Shizuo's words, and he swore he saw her hands trembling when she finally managed to snap out of her shock and tap on her PDA.

[I didn't see him… But… I know where he is.]

Shizuo perked up, "Really?" He bent down, his eyes narrowing slightly to read the location on the small device. He wasn't like the flea who probably had a 3D map of Ikebukuro – no scratch that, of damn _Tokyo_ – carved in his mind… But by now – years of being led by/chasing the flea basically to _every single place _in Ikebukuro meant he could identify about eighty percent of the places just by the address, which was damn useful when he had to go collect money with Tom-san.

_Let's see… That's about five minutes from here and it's –_

Shizuo snorted.

_Told you you like to do it in shady places where no one is looking, you shitty flea._

"Thanks." He said and was about to turn around when he felt something tug on his sleeve. Turning slightly, he expected to find another message on the PDA, but before he knew it, two arms wrapped themselves around him in a warm and unexpected hug.

"Wha-!"

[I'm so glad and happy for you!] Celty said, when she'd finally let go, [I didn't really believe or get it at first, but I understand now! And I can truly cheer you on from the bottom of my heart. I really hope that you'll manage to get Izaya back. Good luck!]

Shizuo blinked.

_Wow… She managed to deduce my intention of getting back at the flea and is encouraging me… to go fuck him? I knew she was a great best friend but – Wait, is this some kind of test?_

"Er… Thanks, I'll do my best?" He said cautiously.

Apparently he said the right thing, because she nodded enthusiastically and shooed him off.

And as he started to walk again, he couldn't help but think. _Why do I get the feeling that there's a very huge misunderstanding here somewhere? _

.

Celty (ﾉ^^)ﾉ―――――――※※ congratulations! Shizuo (•_•)?

.

Izaya waited until his client had exited the shady alleyway to take out one of his phones – Kanra's – and quickly logged in to the chatroom page. No one was there anymore, Mikado-kun had logged out about nine minutes ago, while Celty and Anri-chan had left the chatroom six and five minutes before respectively. And considering the fact that he had received the first notification less than fifteen minutes ago…

_Hm, that was quite a quick chat. _

Now, more curious than ever, he quickly scrolled up the log, figuring that he probably wouldn't truly understand what was going on if he started to read mid-chat. He started to walk slowly towards the exit, at the same time, his eyes fixing on the bright screen of his smartphone.

He paused mid-step and snorted when he saw his and Shizu-chan's names mentioned.

It wasn't really a rare occurrence, quite _far _from it in fact, when one stopped to consider _who_ the members of this particular chatroom were. Really, had he not known who was who beforehand, it would only have taken him two or three conversations to figure out their real identities.

With the way they were talking, one didn't need to be a genius to realize that they all knew Izaya and Shizuo personally, and not from online gossip or some obscure rumors. And from that, it wasn't a long jump to conclude that, in fact, they also knew _each other_ in real life, as Shizuo's circle of acquaintances was quite limited. So it was a wonder for Izaya that none of them ever suspected that the reason why Kanra-chan seemed to always know everything about the rumors and gossip in Ikebukuro (especially when the gossip in question was about a certain informant or a certain bodyguard in a bartender suit) wasn't because she often _happened_ to be 'around the area' at the times when 'interesting things' occurred, but because she was in fact, more often than not, directly implicated.

Anyway… The point was that Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo were frequently mentioned in this chatroom, and that it didn't come as a surprise for him to see his chatroom mates gossiping like high school teenagers (though to be fair two of them _were_ teenagers) or middle aged housewives about his 'love life' or his alleged 'lover's spat' with Shizu-chan. Though he found it quite amusing that they were gossiping (being trolled) without even needing his – or rather Kanra-chan's – input on the matter.

He had just reached the part where Anri-chan logged in when suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder and slammed him quite violently into the dirty stone wall of the alleyway.

It didn't hurt that much, but the shock of the impact was enough to render him breathless for a few seconds and make him let go of his phone. The clatter of the device hitting the ground resonated quite noisily in his ears – or was that the sound of his own heart throbbing quickly and violently against his chest?

Startled, disoriented and quite alarmed – because _damn_ he had been so focused on his phone that he hadn't even noticedthat he wasn't alone, it was a mistake that could and maybe _would_ cost him his life – Izaya instinctively slid his hand into his pocket where his trusted switchblade was, and quickly shoved a mask of arrogant calm onto his face. It was useless to squirm or struggle in these kinds of situations, it would only give the fact that you were panicking away. No, the best thing to do was to stay poised – or act poised, if you couldn't manage that – and assess the situation first, in order to find the best moment to strike.

So with that in mind, Izaya disconnected his eyes from the smartphone on the ground – which from the still bright screen indicated it was still working despite its violent collision with the concrete – and peered up to identify who had _dared_ to attack him.

He felt his left eye twitch and his insides recoil, even as a smirk found its way onto his lips.

"Shizu-chan… Did you miss me that much?" he taunted, though he was quite aware that the situation wasn't favorable for him at all.

"As if. Told you I would catch you, flea." The blond stated in a low tone that overflowed with confidence and… yeah _that_ was definitely lust.

The raven shuddered slightly.

"Seriously? How long are you planning to keep being in this seme mode? I know monstrous stamina must come with the whole protozoan package, but now this is just utterly ridiculous!"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. How did you manage to find me so quickly anyway?"

He saw Shizuo's eyebrow twitch in irritation and felt the brute's arms shaking against him, as if he was trying hard not to punch something.

_Eh… Why would Shizu-chan be angered by such a question? _

"You!" The protozoan growled, accusingly "You were shoving complete bullshit into that guy's mind, weren't you?"

Izaya blinked. "That guy?"

"The one that just came out of this alleyway." Shizuo elaborated between gritted teeth.

"Oh! That one… " Izaya managed to keep a straight face, but the gleam of curiosity was quite obvious in his eyes. "So… What did he do?"

A vein popped on the blond's forehead.

"… couldn't even walk in a straight line, was shaking like crazy and screaming every time he went near a vending machine or road sign or a lamp post! Ah so fucking annoying! It was like the guy expected them to come to life and beat him to a pulp! Then he saw me and tried out the most pitiful glare I had ever seen. I mean his knees were shaking so much that for a moment I thought there was an earthquake… Was just like a puppy trying to bark at a tiger or something… And then he told me 'fuck off and go back to where you belong'… and burst into tears, 'I'm sorry please don't kill me, I don't have any salt on me to throw at you'."

Izaya's lips twitched. In his head, an Izaya was laughing his ass off, swirling madly on his chair. "Eh… So he _really_ did it… Is he still alive?"

Shizuo glared at him. "I don't kill puppies. And all that 'go back to where you belong' stuff, did you tell him that I was from the fucking moon or something!?"

His lips twitched again, "Ah no… I had something more… _underground _or _lower_ in mind. Though it is interesting to note that you think you can exorcise aliens with salt, Shizu-chan."

"You bastard!"

"Anyway… You can't make me believe that you just happened to walk by, noticed that man and immediately knew that I was around. So how did you find me that quickly?"

Here the blond averted his eyes for a second. "It's not that difficult to track you down. You stink from miles away."

Right… That one was total bullshit, though why Shizuo would lie about something like that was a mystery that Izaya really didn't care enough about to elucidate (no okay, it was a lie he would probably look up, but later, when he wasn't pinned to a wall by a protozoan), so he let it slide and played along.

"Eh… Tracking me by my scent… You truly are a beast, Shizu-chan."

"Shut up." Shizuo growled, leaning down threateningly.

Or rather, in a way that should have been perceived as threateningly by anyone who was remotely sane. But since it was already settled that Izaya wasn't the sanest person around: he only saw it as an implicit challenge.

Izaya arched an eyebrow mockingly and, completely ignoring his inner alarms and common sense that were screaming for him to run away _now_, he raised his head slightly, reducing the distance between them even more.

Yes, and if his body could be so kind as to stop reacting of its own accord to such close proximity with that damn protozoan, it would be perfect. Why was his heart beating so fast anyway?

"So…do you want me to pat your head, Shizu-chan?"

"Why the hell would I want that?"

"Well you know… a dog always expects some kind of reward when it manages to do a trick… So since you managed to catch –"

"I'll kill you."

Izaya smirked. "Well, that's too bad… If you don't want a reward, maybe you should let me go now, ne?"

Shizuo snorted. "After I finally managed to catch you? No way in hell, flea. Besides…" he lowered his tone, making the raven shudder.

They were close… very close… way too close… When the hell had that protozoan leaned down so much without Izaya noticing anyway? He could feel Shizuo's breath ghosting over his cheek for God's sake!

"…who said I didn't want the reward?"

He was starting to feel dizzy and hot… and inwardly cursed when he realized that he had unconsciously held his breath. Slowly and as naturally as possible, he forced it out.

"It's not like you deserve it, anyway…We both know that it wasn't really due to your tremendous ability, ne? _So_ sneaky of you to take advantage of the… situation."

Izaya trailed off, managing at the very last second not to stammer as he noticed Shizuo's eyes sliding down to his lips, suddenly finding it quite hard to focus on the conversation.

No… No… no way! No matter how much self-control Izaya had, he wouldn't be able –

_Stop panicking, damn it! _He scolded himself, _just stab him enough to make him let go and run for it. _

But as if reading his thoughts, one of Shizuo's hands moved down to hold Izaya's wrist as the ex-bartender leaned down even further.

"I deserve a damn reward just for spending more than two minutes without trying to smash your head into the wall…" Shizuo whispered.

_Geez, Shizu-chan you say the sweetest things_. _No wonder you're still a virgin if that's how you're flirting with people._

But for some reason, Izaya's mouth went dry, though he still forced himself to shoot back: "Then shall I reward you by slicing your throat?"

"Like hell you will. I'll just take whatever I want."

"What do you want then?" Izaya asked shakily.

Later, Izaya would probably berate himself for that open invitation, but right then he just couldn't bring himself to care.

"This."

Then Shizuo kissed him.

.

Izaya !?Σ(･□･〃(ε u *)Снц Shizuo

.

He hadn't known what to expect, or rather he had expected the worst… It wasn't his first kiss, far from it actually. Damn, it wasn't even his first kiss with _Shizuo_… But with his body recently refusing to cooperate properly when the protozoan was around and at the same time sending him SOS signals for no apparent reason, his own reaction to the kiss was a wild, hazardous guess.

He had expected to lose control of himself and do something utterly embarrassing, he had expected a whirl of sensation to burst within him, he had expected his mind to go completely blank at the mercy of the protozoan, he had expected to feel himself trapped by his lack of control, he had expected a spike of desire to rise up inside of him despite it and maybe _because _of it…

But none of that happened, and he certainly didn't expect to feel so irritated.

What the hell was that anyway!? It wasn't even anything one could call a _kiss_. Shizuo had just stuck their lips together, and while the sensation of their lips touching had indeed felt a little pleasant, it would have been better if the 'kiss' hadn't lasted less than one fucking second.

Izaya opened his mouth, intending to let Shizuo know his thoughts, when he finally noticed the blond's face.

The brute had the proudest and smuggest grin ever stuck on his face and his eyes were positively twinkling with glee. His expression was nearly screaming '_Ah, take that, flea_!' as if he had managed to do something extraordinary in revenge.

And Izaya couldn't hold it in anymore: he laughed his ass off.

"Wh-Wha!? Why the hell are you laughing you damn flea!?" Shizuo yelled, his face flushing in embarrassment.

Izaya tried to calm down to answer but each time it only made him laugh harder.

"AHAHAH… My God… You… That…. AHAHAHA."

"OI! Damn it! STOP LAUGHING!"

"Your face… hahaha… that was your best…" the raven choked on his laughter.

Finally, after a few more failed attempts to restrain himself, he managed to reduce his hysterical laughter to a few chuckles.

"Do you have a death wish, flea?" Shizuo growled, threateningly.

Izaya smirked at that. "What are you going to do, Shizu-chan? Kiss me more? That wasn't even a kiss."

"Of course it was!"

The raven lifted a single brow, "Really? I kissed you once before, remember? That was totally different, ne? Try again!"

_Wait! _His mind screamed at him, _Why the hell are you telling him that!? Shouldn't you run away?_

_Shut up! I can't run, he's still pinning me to the wall. And I'm really, really frustrated right now. It's that damn protozoan's fault I'm turned on, so he should take his responsibility by at least kissing me properly!_

_That makes no fucking sense!_

Shizuo scowled at him but still leaned down to kiss him one more time. There was something that rubbed him the wrong way about that kiss, though he couldn't exactly pinpoint _what_. This time Shizuo tried to apply more pressure with his lips and moved them awkwardly, it was quite obvious that he didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do.

And of course he didn't. For all his twenty-four years, the protozoan had the same range of experience as a twelve year old boy that was starting to go through puberty and had just discovered that porn existed and that other people could be hot. And Izaya knew that! He damn well knew that Shizuo didn't have any experience whatsoever, so why the hell had his body made such a fuss!? Why had he panicked?

It was _so_ embarrassing!

Even if Shizuo had gone into his 'Seme mode'… He should have known that Shizuo wasn't able to back up his threats. So what could possibly have made him think that against all odds Shizuo would be able to overwhelm him? How could he possibly have thought that Shizuo's monstrous instincts would have been enough to override his inexperience and make him so magically good at sex that he would have made _Izaya_ lose control?

The words 'Shizuo Complex' suddenly started to spin right at the front of his mind and he mentally stomped repeatedly on them with an irritated scowl.

No, no… It was something else… It was because his body had started to react weirdly… But why? What was he afraid of–

Wait. Afraid?

Oh… _Oh! _

Stupid! Stupid! Of course!

The Suspension Bridge Effect.

"Oi, flea." Shizuo's voice called him back to reality.

The blond had stopped 'kissing' him and was now glaring at him accusingly. "You're thinking of something creepy right now, aren't you?"

Izaya tilted his head slightly. "I wouldn't call it creepy per se… More like 'stimulating' or 'illuminating'… I often play this game, you see…" A smirk spread over his face as he added in a sweet voice: "It's called 'If I Do That, Will Shizu-Chan Die?'… Right now, I was just wondering what would happen if I put some poison on my lips…"

"You would die too, dumbass!"

Izaya scoffed, making a dismissive movement with his hand, "Of course not, Shizu-chan, I would have drunk the antidote beforehand… But the 'too' is quite interesting… So it means that poison _can _kill you, right?"

"Will it kill _you_ if I smash your head into the wall, right now?" Shizuo growled.

"Wow you understood the rules of the game so quickly, Shizu-chan!" the informant said, pretending to marvel. "Now if only you could learn how to kiss properly just as quickly it would be great, ne? You're such a slow learner sometimes, Shizu-chan!"

"Why, you –"

"Here, Shizu-chan, let me teach you."

Izaya noted with some satisfaction as he stood on tip toes to reach Shizuo's mouth, that the blond's breath hitched in anticipation and his whole body tensed up.

"A kiss…" Izaya whispered seductively over Shizuo's lips, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving Shizuo's, "… isn't merely two pairs of lips touching each other, Shizu-chan. A kiss is a meeting between two mouths. And there are a lot of different types of meetings, aren't there? The quick ones…"

He pecked him, their lips barely touching for more than a second, in a rather good imitation of Shizuo's definition of a kiss.

"The sweet ones…"

Izaya went on his toes again, rubbing the tips of their noses together almost affectionately. Then he let his mouth linger on Shizuo's, moving it slowly, tantalizingly. Shizuo sighed as the informant started to suck and lick softly on his lower lip at regular intervals, coaxing him gently and gradually to open his mouth. And when he finally did, Izaya suddenly bit him sharply, but not hard enough to make him feel pain.

"The bitter ones…" The informant explained with a smug and sadistic smirk, as Shizuo glared at him.

Izaya felt the hands that were still maintaining to hold him twitch slightly and saw something flash behind those half-closed eyelids, but otherwise the blond was stiff as a wooden board.

"And many others… But in our case, since the very start, there has been and will always be only one type of meeting that is truly suitable, ne? Kissing is a lot like fighting, don't you think?

You have to assess your opponent to discover their weaknesses, what make them become weak at the knees, burn with uncontrollable emotion or recoil… and then, _strike_!"

Before Shizuo had time to react, Izaya had already leapt on him.

.

Izaya (/⌒-(u_u*)｡｡｡ Shizuo

.

_Damn, he's good_, Shizuo couldn't help but think, as the flea's mouth latched onto his, doing something with his tongue that sent electric charges all over his body and directly down to his crotch. Had he not been hard already, thanks to that damn flea's teasing, erotic voice and previous kisses, this would have definitely done the trick.

It wasn't like the kisses before… This one didn't make him feel frustrated, it didn't make him feel all giddy and bubbly, it didn't make him want to pull back… It made him feel all of it at the same time and so much more… It was foreign but at the same time so familiar… It made him want to surrender but also fight back… So damn complicated. But –

_WANT! WANT! WANT! WANT!_

His hands twitched as he unconsciously tightened his grip on the informant's shoulders.

Izaya paused for a short moment at that, but then leaned even further into him, his arms rising up to circle around the back of Shizuo's neck. Shizuo thought he saw a strange gleam glinting in those way too perceptive reddish-brown eyes, but then Izaya decided to change the angle of the kiss, asking Shizuo's tongue to come and play with his, and _that_ made Shizuo let out a strangled sound that was halfway between a gasp and a groan.

His body stiffened and he clumsily tried to kiss back, cautious of how much strength he was using. It was starting to get harder and harder to not just let it go… But –

The flea went very still against him and looked up at him with a discontented frown.

Shizuo scowled back, about to say something along the lines of 'if you say that I suck at kissing again I'll smash your head into the wall', but the flea did something quite unexpected: he gripped a good fistful of the blond hair at the back of his head and tugged hard… _very_ hard.

"The fuck!?" Shizuo hissed.

The flea smirked, but his eyes were cold. "Told you that kissing was like fighting, ne? It's a fight, in which the first one to be overwhelmed by desire and sensation, the first one to lose his mind loses…Then… what makes you think that you would ever be able to win against me if you don't try your best? Or was it your intention to lose from the start? Should I make you surrender and be at my mercy Shizu-chan?"

"Like hell you will! As if I would let you, you damn flea!"

"Really?" Izaya asked in a fake, sweet voice that gave Shizuo the creeps, "Then don't you dare hold back, ne? Or you will _never_ win."

At that exact moment, Shizuo realized that that was all his grip on his strength was waiting for to snap… Why had he even held back anyway? It wasn't as if he had ever cared about hurting Izaya before, and the flea was far from fragile even if he had a skinny ass (damn it, he had even told Celty that it was okay with the flea because he knew that even if he lost control, the flea wouldn't be hurt). He was pretty sure the pest would manage to survive the apocalypse somehow… but then why?

It was as if he needed the confirmation of Izaya himself to let go… that it was finally okay…

"Wah! So mean ~" Izaya exclaimed suddenly with a pout, and Shizuo was out of the loop again as he wondered how any human being could possibly have that many mood swings with such short intervals… maybe it was a flea thing?

"Here I am, giving you my precious time to teach you how to act like a 1% percent civilized protozoan and you thank me by not even paying attention and – " Izaya paused, his eyes widening slightly as he looked intensely at Shizuo's face, "And your face is both _so_ creepily disgusting and disgustingly creepy right now…. What's with that stupid smile? What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

Izaya's eyes narrowed and then suddenly gasped, putting an exaggeratedly shocked expression on his face, "OH! Don't tell me you were trying to imagine me naked! Yah! Pervert!"

Shizuo's eyebrows twitched and a vein popped on his forehead, "Who the hell would –" Except that at that exact moment, Izaya's words made him picture a very naked and flushed flea, looking intensely at him, _moaning _and sexy as hell….. and Shizuo couldn't help but flush.

Of course the flea, damn him, noticed immediately, and took less than a second to draw the correct conclusion and start to giggle, "I knew it! How can you be perverted and innocent at the same time Shizu-chan? Did you –"

"You talk too damn much, you shitty flea!" Shizuo cut Izaya off right in the middle of his speech by pressing their mouths violently together and trying to reproduce what he had learnt from Izaya's 'teaching'…

_WANT! WANT! WANT! WANT! _

He moved his lips hungrily against the informant's, needy for more contact and sensation, pressing him a little harder against the wall. And Izaya kissed back with the same enthusiasm, sending each hit he received right back and making Shizuo quickly lose his mind.

Their tongues twirled violently together, both attempting to take control of the kiss with the same intensity and both savoring the reactions they managed to pull from the other. The moans and gasps were muffled by the other's mouth, so much that it was impossible to tell who actually made which sound… It wasn't as if it was very important anyway, but if Shizuo had to take a guess, he would say that he had probably made most of them. Because the flea was one hell of a kisser and seemed to have the natural ability to make Shizuo totally lose control over himself. By the time they finally stopped kissing, both of them were panting heavily and still looking at each other intensely.

"More."

His voice sounded so hoarse and needy, it was quite pathetic… But at that moment, Shizuo couldn't bring himself to care at all. And apparently, neither did Izaya because he was already lifting his head once more and his hands were tugging on Shizuo's clothes to pull him closer.

And they kissed. Again. Again. And again. And again. And… Shizuo lost count, because it wasn't important how many times they kissed, he just wanted to feel that electrifying feeling running down his spine again, he just wanted to touch more, to feel more of those mind blowing sparks of pleasure…

It was so fucking good but each time their lips roughly met, Shizuo could feel that rising agitation that was raging inside him… It wasn't enough, he wanted –

_MoreMoreMoreMoreMore!_

One of Shizuo's hands let go of Izaya's shoulder and trailed down, sneaking under the flea's jacket and t-shirt. He felt hot skin and toned muscles quiver under his palm as Izaya let out a sharp intake of breath.

And that sound made Shizuo's mind clear and go fuzzy at the same time, as he slowly let his fingernails trail down the flea's midsection, looking closely at the informant's face for any kind of reaction. He saw Izaya bite his lip as if to prevent any sound from coming out of his mouth and a shudder overtook his body. And when one of his fingers dipped into his bellybutton, Izaya started and a tiny squeak flew out of his mouth, his cheeks flushing a deep red.

It made Shizuo's blood boil and his breath quicken up.

_More!More!More!More!More!_

He wanted to make the flea lose control, make him feel as desperate and needy as he felt right then, make him feel unable to _think_ at all. He wanted to break that tight control over his emotions so that he could relish in all the sounds the flea had tried so hard to keep in but was unable to…He wanted to make him _beg_ for more... He wanted him messed up so much, as much as he was now and even more… He wanted to drag him _down_ to the same level of 'hot and bothered' as he was now… He wanted proof that the flea wanted him as much as _he_ wanted him… he wanted… he wanted…

"Damn…" Shizuo hissed in a low hungry voice, "Wanna fuck you so much."

For some reason, Izaya chuckled at that, even though it sounded shaky and hoarse to Shizuo's ears. But before Shizuo could do anything, Izaya leaned forward so that his mouth was just in front of the blond's ear. "Then you must try your best, ne, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo felt a violent shiver pass through him as well as the instinctive need to jerk his head away as the flea starting to lick and nip his earlobe.

"Shit, flea don't – Uhg – don't do that."

Izaya chuckled again, which made the blond shudder even more, his eyes closed tightly of their own accord and his whole face felt as if it was burning.

"Who would've thought that Shizu-chan's ears are so sensitive, ne?" Izaya teased, making a point to speak and breathe directly into Shizuo's weak spot. "Such an exposed area…"

The blond forced his eyes to open at that and glared at the flea, before a devilish grin spread over his lips. "I'm… ugh… not the only… shit… one with a weak spot, you shitty flea." His hand was still stuck under the raven's shirt and he took advantage of that to slowly circle his finger inside the flea's bellybutton, earning him a rather quiet gasp.

Shizuo knew then, the same way he knew that he was stronger, the same way he knew that he hated that damn flea's guts, the same way he knew that he wanted the annoying flea… He knew that even if both of them had discovered a weak spot, it didn't make them even… He knew that he had the advantage here, because he had managed to get the louse to make those tiny sounds despite that near abnormal self-control of his… which could only mean one thing: the flea was more sensitive than he wanted Shizuo to believe and way _more_ sensitive than Shizuo himself…

So if they started to play a game of 'tease the weak point', Shizuo would probably be the winner in the end.

But then he forgot to take into account that it was Izaya's specialty to squirm himself out of seemingly every bad or disadvantageous situation and Shizuo nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt something hot and hard rubbing against his clothed erection.

"Shit." He groaned, as white spots started to explode in front of his eyes. He could feel the uneven surface of the brick wall digging into his back as his whole body shook from the electrifying pleasure.

For the life of him, he couldn't tell how or even _when_ the flea had managed to switch their positions, but when his knees started to buckle and the wall turned out to be the only support preventing him from collapsing embarrassingly to the dirty ground, he found himself thinking that it had been a good move on Izaya's part.

_Shit, why does it feel so damn good?_

It was as if his body was moving on its own, trying to create even more friction between their erections. He could feel the pressure building more and more inside him and Izaya's frantic movements against his hard on made it difficult to breathe.

The world was spinning around him, his thoughts had long ago stopped making sense and only garbled moans that were probably attempts to call the flea's name managed to get out of his mouth. The only things his fuzzy mind and hypersensitive nerves were able to notice right then, were the fingernails digging into his shoulders as the flea held onto him to keep himself upright; the hot, wet and frantic breaths fanning over his throat as the flea panted and gasped; the hot body pressing and brushing against him as the flea continued that maddening rubbing…

It sent Shizuo quickly over the edge. And before he knew it, he came hard and mind-blowingly.

.

Shizuo ( ‿ ) x (*´o`*)ʖˋʖˋʖˋ～ Izaya

.

_I can't believe I'm rubbing against him in a dirty alleyway like some kind of bitch in heat. _Izaya thought, utterly mortified but unable to bring himself to stop.

He was distractedly aware that Shizuo had already come and that it was his perfect chance to escape, but instead he gripped Shizuo's shoulders harder, his movements starting to get more needy and uncontrolled as he felt his grip over reality slip from his hands. A few thrusts later, Izaya's body tensed up and a low moan escaped his mouth as he climaxed.

The informant closed his eyes and let his head fall onto Shizuo's shoulder, trying to catch his breath, his mind already half-heartedly attempting without much success to fight the hazy and so very relaxing afterglow.

_When was the last time I came inside my pants like that? Shizu-chan, you really make me do such embarrassing things… _Izaya mused, unconsciously basking in the body heat Shizuo was emitting.

He shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position when his leg brushed against something. It made Izaya's eyes snap open immediately and he threw an incredulous look at Shizuo.

"Seriously? How can you be hard again?" Izaya asked, in complete disbelief, shifting again to make sure he wasn't imagining it. The groan he earned from his actions, proved that, indeed, Shizuo was aroused _again_. "You know, that protozoan package of yours is starting to get more and more ridiculous. So… after the 'super long seme mode' and the 'almost no refractory period'… Is your penis going to glow in the dark, next?"

"The hell!? Stop spouting nonsense, flea!" Shizuo growled, then diverting his eyes and blushing, "And it's your damn fault!"

Izaya tilted his head. "Really? How so?"

The protozoan scowled and mumbled something that was completely inaudible, but thankfully the informant didn't need to hear it to understand what the blond was trying to say, it was quite obvious in fact.

"Eeeh?" Izaya drawled looking at the blond innocently, "Could it be that Shizu-chan got excited by watching me come?"

Shizuo blushed even more, "No! Why would I get excited by such a disgusting face?"

The corner of Izaya's mouth twitched in amusement. _So you _were_ looking at my face_.

"I see…" Izaya said pensively, then a gleam flashed in his eyes as he slipped a finger inside Shizuo's pants and boxers, and tugged on them so he could peek at what was inside.

.

.

.

"What the hell!? Stop staring!"

"It's not glowing." Izaya noted, with a fake pout, looking almost disappointed.

"Of course it isn't!" Shizuo exclaimed as he slapped the hand away.

The raven chuckled then pointed at the bulge, "Ne, Shizu-chan, since it's apparently my fault… should I take care of it for you?"

Shizuo's breath hitched. "W-what?"

"I said…" Izaya whispered in a low seductive tone, his hand rubbing against the bulge making Shizuo hiss and jump, "… should I…" he opened the zipper slowly, "… take care of it…" and slid the soaked boxers down, "… for you?" revealing a half hard erection.

"I – "

"Do you want to fuck me, Shizu-chan?" he asked, "Do you want to bury this hot, hard erection of yours inside me? Feeling me tighten maddeningly around your cock… You said that you would fuck me so hard that I wouldn't be able to walk straight afterwards, and that I would scream your name so loudly that I wouldn't be able to speak, remember? Do you still want that, Shizu-chan?"

"Shit… yes…"

"Really?" Izaya hummed before pecking him softly on the lips, then smirked "Well that's too bad, Shizu-chan, because I don't have sex before the third date."

And in one swift movement, Izaya bent down to pick up the phone that had fallen down earlier, winked at a dazed and dumbfounded Shizu-chan, "Don't forget to zip up your pants, ne?", and sprinted out of the alleyway in record speed.

He didn't manage to get that far, however, since he was forced to abruptly stop a dozen meters away as he nearly ran into a familiar brunet teenager.

"Wha! Go-Good afternoon, Izaya-san."

"Mikado-kun." Izaya greeted, pleasantly, not looking as if he just had intense and hot intercourse with a certain blond protozoan and was currently escaping from said protozoan at all, "Are you stalking me or something?"

"No! It's just, I wanted to talk to you about something…"

"Really? Say, are you planning to die in the next ten seconds?" the informant asked nonchalantly.

"Huh?"

Izaya wondered why people always assumed that it was somehow a trick question and failed to answer properly (half of them presumed that he was joking so they just laughed it off and the other half took it as a death threat and reacted accordingly)…

"Er… Not really."

_Congratulations, Mikado-kun, you just got yourself promoted from 'pet with potential' to 'smart kid'_.

"Great!" Izaya exclaimed, as he led the teenager into the next alleyway "Then we should probably get away from here."

Mikado had a confused look on his face, obviously wondering what was going on.

"Ah you'll understand soon enough." Izaya told him, indicating to Mikado to go up the emergency staircase, "… 5…4…3…2…1…"

And exactly one second later a tremendous and furious howl was heard from the alleyway Izaya had just exited. "IIIIIIIZAAAYAAAAAAAAAA! YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE SO DEAD, YOU GODDAMN FLEA!"

Izaya chuckled, "See? Now we have approximatively one and a half minutes to reach the roof, so better hurry, ne? Up you go."

.

Shizuo (▼ρ▼) . . . ((( ←～（o ｀▽´ )oΨ Izaya

.

Izaya leant on the guard rail of the roof, looking down and giggling maniacally as he watched a certain blond going round in circles and getting more and more furious as time passed. It was like watching a frenzied beast getting agitated and not even once realizing that all this time it was running back to the same place over and over again.

"Really… Shizu-chan is just like a child sometimes. I wonder how long it'll take him to look _up_."

From the corner of his eyes he saw Mikado shift uneasily on his feet, looking as if he wanted to ask him something, but not knowing exactly how to broach the subject. And since Izaya was feeling kind of generous, which had nothing _at all _to do with what he had just done with Shizuo, he decided to get directly to the point.

"So… Is there a reason why you would go through the trouble of leaving your flat in the middle of the afternoon on a day off to track me down, when you could have waited for me to log in?"

Mikado shifted again. "Er… it was sort of urgent?"

Izaya arched an eyebrow. "Right." He said in a flat tone, "Ask away, then."

"Hm… It's about…er… Heiwajima-san and you."

"Ah yes, that theory about the 'lover's spat', ne?"

The kid perked up like a dog smelling a bone, and Izaya had to wonder if there was a way to be more obvious than this.

"Is it true?"

The informant gave him a pointed look. "I find your new interest in my relationship with Shizu-chan, quite disturbing."

Mikado smiled sheepishly. "Well… both of you are quite famous in Ikebukuro...there's a lot of speculation going on about it. I was curious to know the truth… And since I know both of you, I thought I could ask you directly."

_Ah, he wants the special satisfaction of grinning secretly behind closed doors as he watches others speculate when he knows what's really going on. I can certainly understand the feeling, though a little bit more subtlety wouldn't go amiss. _

Well it certainly made sense, though he still got the feeling that there was something else to dig up here.

Izaya nodded. "The prerogative of knowing the subjects of gossip personally, ne? But it doesn't explain why you would feel the need to leave your flat and run across the city just to ask me this."

And he had to wonder how Mikado knew where to find him, as it certainly hadn't been a random guess. Maybe it was somehow linked to the way Shizuo had managed to find him so quickly. Was there a giant neon arrow with the words 'Orihara Izaya, here' floating above his head and was he the only one not seeing it, or something?

Mikado made a face and fished out his cellphone. "Hm… Karisawa-san was around earlier when you and Heiwajima-san started fighting… And she couldn't follow you because she had to go to a convention or something… so… She told me to investigate."

Izaya narrowed his eyes to read the small text on the bright screen.

[From: Karisawa-san  
>03:30pm<br>_Kyaaahhhh! Mika-chin, you won't believe it! I just saw Izaiza and Shizushizu together! It was sooo MOE! Shizushizu was chasing him and got all Seme, and then they suddenly stopped. _

_But Shizushizu must have done something (he is such an oblivious!Seme sometimes) because Izaiza got mad and started to act Tsuntsun.  
>Gahhh! Tsundere!Izaya is the best ever!3 <em>

_Then, Izaiza ran away, but Shizushizu was so stunned by all the moe that he didn't even try to run after him! (That's too bad, if he had, I bet he would have seen some dere!Izaya) _

_We must investigate this matter ASAP, Mika-chin! It is of the utmost most importance! We must save the Shizaya! _

_PS: Ah but right now, I have to go prepare myself for the NatsuComi so… I'm counting on you, Mika-chin! Go investigate and bring me back the truth! _]

Izaya had to wonder if it was the prelude of something very bad when he managed to get the meaning of all the fujoshi and otaku words right without much trouble, just by re-reading the text once … and sighed as his mind processed the translated version.

_As expected of Erika-chan… Her BL-radar and fujoshi senses are quite sharp_.

And it was probably worse that instead of feeling irritated and wary because she had somehow managed to see right through him, he was in fact quite impressed.

"So… _Mika-chin_, did you lose a bet to Erika-chan and have to be her slave for a week or something?"

Mikado made a face at the nickname. "No." he muttered. "But… I got the feeling that she would have spammed me until I agreed to do it…And…" he averted his eyes, looking uncomfortable, "… she's really scary sometimes you know? Especially when she's staring at me and Kida-kun with this focused and speculative look."

The Dollars' leader shivered instinctively as he said that last bit.

_Smart kid, indeed_. _He must have unconsciously caught on to the fujoshi vibes that Erika-chan exudes on a regular basis. _

"Yes… That's Erika-chan, alright." Izaya said, sympathizing with the kid. By now, he had received that look so many times that he was immune to it, but back then it had indeed been quite disturbing.

Izaya leaned back on the guard rail and looked down pensively as he watched his humans fuzzing around.

"So are you going to tell me –"

"Ne… Mikado-kun," Izaya cut in, his eyes still fixed on the ground, searching for a familiar blond in the crowd. "Do you know what the Suspension Bridge Effect is?"

From the corner of his eye he saw a look of resignation spreading over the brunet's face. Obviously, Mikado had expected not to get an answer to his inquiry… It was too bad, really, that the kid didn't realize that Izaya was in fact _giving _him a proper answer.

"Er… The Suspension Bridge, like those scary bridges in movies and manga that look like they could shatter at any moment?"

"Yep, those ones, exactly."

"No… I don't know… What is it?"

_Eh… That's interesting, Mikado-kun thinks that he won't get a proper answer but he's still curious about what I have to say… _

Izaya hummed pensively for a moment and then explained: "The Suspension Bridge Effect is also known as the 'Misattribution of Arousal' theory… Well, basically some people believe that it's possible to manipulate people into believing that they were aroused by someone in particular or… well if you stretch it far enough, that it's also able to cause people to fall in love."

"Eh!? No way!"

Izaya chuckled, "Unbelievable, ne? It's based on the theory that an emotion is linked to two factors: 'the body's reaction' to some external stimuli and the 'cognitive label' of said reaction… You see, when we feel an emotion, our body reacts and our mind automatically uses the immediate environment to search for clues as to how to label that reaction.

For example…If suddenly someone was pointing a knife at you… Your heart would start hammering in your chest and adrenalin would pump through your veins. Why? Because there's a knife threatening you, it's sharp, it's dangerous… Conclusion? You're scared.

It's a simple process, ne?"

Mikado nodded, but didn't comment, feeling that the informant wasn't quite finished.

"But then what about emotions that could be diametrically different but would induce similar body reactions from the start? Like fear and arousal, ne? In both cases your heart would start to beat harder and your temperature would rise… So how do you know if you're scared or aroused?"

Mikado frowned. "Well usually you'd be able to tell right away. I mean, the situations in which you would find yourself scared and aroused are quite different."

"Uh-uh." Izaya approved. "That's right, which emphasizes the importance of the 'environmental' clues, ne? But what if you're in a situation that could be both scary and arousing? Are you feeling both? Or if you're only feeling one, how could you tell which one?"

"Er… I don't really know."

"Then in those situations, wouldn't it be ridiculously easy to persuade you towards one emotion rather than the other? There was an experiment conducted by Dutton and Aron, you see.

They asked male participants to cross a very precarious suspension bridge. Immediately after that, a woman would ask them to complete a survey of random questions and would give them her phone number, saying that she would be available to answer any questions regarding the project.

Of course, for the sake of the experiment they had to consider other factors too… So they also had some participants crossing a stable and safe looking bridge, with the same woman asking them to complete the same survey and giving them her number at the end.

And the 'time' factor could be significant too, so they created two others situations in which the participant would either cross the 'scary' bridge or the 'safe' one, and in both cases the woman would come about ten minutes later to ask them questions."

"So… It's a four-situation experiment, right?" Mikado summed up, "Scary-bridge/Immediate encounter, Scary-bridge/late encounter, Safe-bridge/Immediate encounter and Safe-bridge/late encounter."

"Yes, that's it. So the question was, how many of the participants would call the woman afterwards and ask her on a date."

"What was the result?" The Dollars' leader asked, though by the look on his face he had probably guessed already.

"Hm… We have to take into account that some of them were probably already in a relationship and that others didn't feel attracted to woman at all…

But the general result was that there was a larger number of phones calls coming from the men that had been in the first situation. While the other three were approximately on the same level.

Based on those results, it's quite safe to assume that those men had misinterpreted their fear of the bridge as arousal towards the woman, making her more attractive in their eyes than she would normally be to them.

So you see, it's actually quite possible to manipulate someone's feeling that way."

Mikado made a pensive noise as he considered what the informant had told him.

"But… If that… er… attraction was just something caused by the bridge, then when those people met the woman again, wouldn't they realize that she was less attractive than they thought?"

"And that, dear Mikado-kun, is the wonder of the human mind… When those participants realized that they were attracted to her, their minds would naturally try to find reasons as to why, then they'd notice things they liked about her, like the shape of her eyes, the way she smiled, or her boobs etc… Those things would be unlikely to change at their next meeting. So she _would_ still seem attractive to them.

The fact that the attraction was the result of the experiment didn't make it less real, ne?"

"Eh… You sure know a lot about psychology, Izaya-san."

Izaya chuckled. "Why, of course. I'm an informant, ne? My job consists of digging up information… And what better raw resource than the mind's psyche? You can learn so much about someone when you know how their mind works." He smirked, twirling a finger in the air, "Ah but don't forget not to rely too much on it, ne? Sure, knowing a lot of theories is great… But psychology is merely the result of men trying to label, understand and generalize human behavior and thought processes with the help of experiments and statistics. It's basically trying to fit people into boxes called 'psychological theories'... and while it's not necessarily a bad idea, it also tends to make you forget that not only people _outside_ the boxes exist, but that humans are always evolving – and so are their minds – so not all of them will _stay _in them."

The informant glanced sideways at where Mikado was standing, fully expecting glazed eyes and a blank look or signs that he was only absently listening – which was the normal reaction to Izaya's long speeches – but only found eyes focused on him. So either the kid had developed a new way of faking his interest while his mind drifted miles away that Izaya wasn't aware of, or he was really considering what the informant was saying.

_Eeeehh… I could probably make a good apprentice out of you._

"So the best way is probably not to consider them as 'boxes', but rather as ever extending rooms with a multitude of moving doors, ne? Because while two people can enter the same room by many different ways, they can also take the same door but arrive in completely different rooms. Likewise, two people in the same room wouldn't necessarily exit (_if_ they exit the room that is) by the same door… Well, there's also the type that fails to enter any room or… " Izaya's eyes softened as they caught sight of a blond head in the middle of the crowd, "there's also the annoying type that don't care at all if they're in a room, a box or a fucking corridor as long as they can continue to move on. That's the most irritating and unpredictable type because you don't know if they'll choose to come in, ignore it all or just crash their way in by blasting through the walls as if they weren't even there."

" – ZZZAYAAA! COME DOWN HERE YOU BASTARD!"

_Wow, those are some monstrous lungs he has... For us to be able to hear him so clearly from up there, did he hide a loudspeaker in his throat or something!?_

Izaya giggled childishly as he waved, watching the blond rushing towards the bottom of the building. "Ah, Shizu-chan finally found me! So I guess it's time for me to take my leave. Ja ne!" He said to Mikado, skipping lightly to the other side of the roof and gauging the distance between the edge and the roof of the next building.

He jumped over the guard rail and stood on the edge. "Ah that reminds me!" he said to Mikado, turning around. "About your 'report' to Erika-chan…"

"What should I say?" the teenager asked eagerly, taking out his phone.

Izaya smirked, "Tell her that I'll call her later to give her the juicy details."

Mikado, who had started to tap on the screen, started as his mind quickly processed what the informant had said. He jerked his head up.

"Eh!? So there _are_ juicy details to tell? Izaya-san!"

But Izaya had already disappeared onto the roof of another building.

.

Ja ne! ヾ(＾∇＾) Izaya ... ?〈( ゜。゜) Mikado

.

Later that night, Izaya was reading his mail, looking for interesting or challenging (which most of the time turned out to be the same thing) requests to take on, while internally debating the merits of hacking into the public camera footage just to see how Shizuo had managed to track him down in less than fifteen minutes, when one of his phones started to ring.

Glancing at the name appearing on the screen, he smirked.

_Speak of the devil._

He quickly answered the call, but before he had the time to say something along the lines of 'Shizu-chan, calling me so soon, did you miss me that much?' Shizuo beat him to it.

"Oi, flea, what's a para-something shift?"

Izaya didn't even blink.

"Shizu-chan are you drunk?"

"What? No!"

"Then did you ingest some kind of illicit substance? You know you shouldn't accept candies or strawberry milkshakes from strangers even if they look good."

"What the fuck are you talking about!? Just answer the damn question!"

He sighed silently, "Right… Shizu-chan are you under the strange misconception that there is the word 'Encyclopedia' written on my forehead?"

There was a short pause, then a snort. "Of course. You're just like a walking, talking, annoying and shitty version of Wikipedia."

"That's so rude, Shizu-chan!" Izaya said. "What do you mean by shitty?"

"You don't see Wikipedia go and randomly spout shitty things that you didn't even ask for, right?"

_Actually, yes I do, but that usually involves a little bit of hacking, convenient Wikipedia pages and a very gullible person that should really know better than to think that Wikipedia is alive and trying to communicate with them. _

And as if he was able to follow Izaya's line of thought, the blond quickly added, "Never mind. Just tell me what that damn para-thing shift is, flea!"

Izaya raised a brow, his curiosity piqued by the former bartender's insistence. "Where did you even hear such a big word, Shizu-chan?"

"None of your damn business."

"If you really want me to guess what your mystery word is, I will actually need some kind of context, you know."

The informant smirked when he heard Shizuo make a growling sound and then mutter half-heartedly. "Shinra called me, said that he wanted to congratulate me for my 'para-thing shift'."

Izaya's smirk widened considerably as he leaned comfortably back against his chair.

This was it! The final piece had finally and very conveniently been provided for him, and he could feel all the dots connecting to each other in his mind: he had solved the mystery of Shizuo's efficiency, and he hadn't even needed to hack into the security footage!

"Ah… That would be a 'paradigm shift'…"

"Yeah, that! What the hell does it mean?"

"It's a radical and irreversible change in a certain thought pattern, personal belief or perception." Izaya answered, slowly. "For instance, back then people believed that the Earth was flat, but then they had to acknowledge that it was actually round: that's a paradigm shift."

"Why the hell would Shinra think that I had a paradigm shift?" Shizuo grunted, half-irritated, half-confused.

"Well… You met Celty this afternoon, didn't you?"

Yes, Shizuo accidentally meeting Celty while she was talking in the chatroom, was the only way to explain how Shizuo had managed to find him so quickly.

"For some reason, she thought that we had had some kind of 'lover's spat' and that you were looking for me because you wanted to apologize… And I don't know what you told her, but you somehow managed to actually convince her that it _was_ really serious 'between us'… And since she chose to tell you my location, it could only mean that she gave 'us' her blessing and actually believe that we could be 'good to each other'.  
>Then, when she went home, she probably told everything to her dear doctor, since she was really happy for you.<p>

So Shinra decided to call you to congratulate you, and you can't really blame him: if all of this couple crap was true, it would indeed have been quite a paradigm shift.

Oh by the way, congratulations on doing your first trolling without knowing it and by – I guess – totally telling the truth."

"…"

"Shizu-chan? Did your brain overheat?"

"You're really a creepy little shit." Shizuo grunted, after a while, "How the hell did you know that anyway? Got some invisible cameras above my head, or something?"

Izaya chuckled, "Of course not, Shizu-chan, that would be cheating, ne?"

"Whatever…"

Shizuo's voice trailed off, as if he wanted to add something, but was wondering whether he should or not. Which was kind of strange because since when did that protozoan hold back his thoughts?

"Oi, flea…" the blond finally said.

"Hm?"

"… next time you're acting all weird I'll definitely beat you into a pulp."

Izaya froze for a short moment, caught off guard by Shizuo's words, but then he started to giggle. "Of course, Shizu-chan." He said, in a patronizing tone.

"Good."

"…"

"…"

"Ne, Shizu-chan, do you know what the Suspension Bridge Effect is?"

Really, it was kind of ironic… Had Shizuo asked directly why he had started to act so strangely, Izaya probably wouldn't have answered… Instead, it was the offhand comment that prompted him to do so… Because by saying that, Shizuo had basically told him 'You don't have to tell me why you're acting all weird just don't do it again'… and, well, since Shizuo had the decency to offer him a way out, it was only fair that Izaya repaid him with an explanation, right?

.

.

.

"So… you find me attractive?" was the conclusion that the stupid protozoan came up with at the end of the explanation.

_That dumb beast!_

"No, really, _that_'s not the point, Shizu-chan."

Izaya heard Shizuo snort. "That's all bullshit anyway, why the hell would you be scared of walking on a fucking bridge when you could sleepwalk on the edge of the Sunshine 60's rooftop? Hell, you'd probably jump repeatedly on that damn bridge just to freak the other people out to see who's gonna wet themselves first."

_True_, Izaya couldn't help but concede. That was certainly something he could see himself doing.

_Still not the point! _His mind reminded him.

But before he had the time to explain to the damn brute that it was just an analogy and that Izaya had _not _really been on a suspension bridge, Shizuo was already going on.

"So stop making yourself some damn excuse and just admit that you're attracted to me, _of your own free will,_ and not just because you suddenly found yourself afraid – of what? Vending machines!? – and confused it with arousal."

The corner of Izaya's mouth twitched as he tried to restrain the amusement from leaking into his voice.

_So the beast _did_ listen to the explanation and understood some of it. Too bad you misinterpreted it, Shizu-chan… It wasn't the fear of you that I misattributed as arousal, but the arousal that I misattributed as the fear of being overwhelmed by you… It was a reverse Suspension Bridge Effect, but you don't need to know that, ne? _

"Of course, Shizu-chan…" Izaya said, drily, "Because it's so very preposterous to believe that someone could be afraid of a protozoan throwing _deadly_ public property towards them, ne?"

"_Someone,_ yes."

The 'but not you' went unsaid, but Izaya couldn't have heard it more clearly if it had been yelled. And as such, it wasn't really hard to notice the slightly uncertain edge in Shizuo's voice, which was totally unacceptable and made him stop playing mind games for a short moment… Because it reminded him all too much of another unacceptable behavior of a few hours ago.

"Fear is an irrational thing…" Izaya said, with more bite in his tone than he actually wanted. "You can't totally control or explain it, and no matter how many times you try to rationalize it in your mind… when you're confronted with it, you can't help but be paralyzed by it. But you already know that, ne?"

_Otherwise, why would you have held back at that time? _

.

Shizuo (⌐■_■)◞[ ❤ ]ヽ(•｡• ) Izaya

.

Shizuo knew the moment the flea's voice took on that sharp tone that it wasn't about the flea or his bullshit anymore. He also knew that he didn't want to talk about it, so he did what he rarely ever did and never thought of doing, especially with the flea: he backed off.

"Look," he said. "I don't really care, okay? Just don't act weird again."

There was a tense silence, which made Shizuo wonder if the flea would hang up on him or refuse the sort-of truce that Shizuo offered.

But then the louse sighed dramatically. "I already said I wouldn't, ne?" The he added in a teasing tone: "Slow learner and short memory, you really are the worst kind of student ever, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo released a breath he hadn't even noticed himself holding. "Fuck off, who would want you as a teacher? You shitty flea!"

He was pretty sure the flea was smirking on the other end of the line, and for some really strange reason, he found himself grinning back.

"Aww, don't say that… I'm a very efficient teacher, you know? Took me only a few minutes to be done with you."

"That reminds me: HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT, YOU BASTARD!"

The flea cackled, not disturbed at all by the yelling. The bastard must have been used to it by now. "You should stop dwelling on it Shizu-chan, it's not healthy to constantly look into the past, you have to learn to let it go, ne?"

"The past, my ass! IT WAS SIX FUCKING HOURS AGO!"

Which really made him wonder how it couldn't have been the first thing he yelled at him the moment the flea picked up the phone. And really, why had he even called the flea? He could have just called Shinra back to ask what the hell he had been talking about, but instead he had called the _flea_.

Then he heard a snarky and damn irritating voice inside his head, which sounded way too much like the flea in his opinion. '_That's because you wanted to hear my voice, Shizu-chan. Because I'm so irresistible, ne?' _

He could easily imagine a mini-Izaya popping up in front of him and smirking smugly at him.

Shizuo grit his teeth and smashed a metaphorical vending machine into that bastard's metaphorical face.

"Yeah, like I said, the past, ne?" The flea said, and Shizuo was pretty sure he had made a dismissing movement with his hand just then. "Ah but if you insist on talking about it, then… Tell me, Shizu-chan, how does it feel to run with a hard-on? Or did you take care of it before going after me?"

Shizuo growled, "Forget about acting weird or beating you into a pulp, next time, I'll definitively fuck you hard against a wall!"

"Aww, that's so sweet, Shizu-chan." Izaya giggled. "But I told you, ne? I don't have sex until the third date. Besides, there won't be a 'next time', as I don't intend on letting myself be caught again."

"Oh, but you will, flea… Get caught, I mean."

"Oh my, aren't we suddenly getting quite arrogant?" The flea taunted.

"I'll catch you." Shizuo said firmly, "Do you know why?"

There was a cautious pause, in which the flea was probably assessing Shizuo's words and tone.

"Enlighten me."

"Because I hate violence…Since I hate violence I'll always try to seek peace and I'll never stop chasing it."

_And it just so happens that you make me feel very peaceful_, _but you don't need to know that, right? _

"…Eh? What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're the walking Wikipedia, figure it out."

Shizuo promptly hung up and couldn't help but feel smug at the surprise and confusion he'd heard in the flea's voice.

He tossed the phone into the drawer near his pack of cigarettes and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He wondered how many times the flea would replay their conversation in his head to try and understand how Shizuo had come with such a conclusion… How long would the flea stay there, only thinking about Shizuo? Would it trouble and frustrate him so much that he wouldn't be able to work properly?

He certainly hoped so.

Shizuo grinned, "Just you wait, you shitty flea, third date and damn bridge or not, you'll definitively get that Ootoro!"

**Owari!**

* * *

><p>Damn, it was long! I hope you enjoyed it! To be honest, I didn't expect such positive feedbacks for Freudian Slip and was very much indecisive about writing the sequel, since I was afraid it was beginner-luck or something and that the sequel would never be able to meet your expectations...<p>

Yeah so I hope it was okay...

Also I already said it, but it was _long_, and I totally blamed Izaya for that. Really I wanted to do something in his point of view, since FS was from Shizuo's. I never thought it would be so damn hard to do it! Shizuo was easy because he is a very straight forward and simple-minded character, so he is mostly saying outloud what he is thinking. Whereas Izaya thoughts tended very often to go in every possible directions and he seldom says what he really thinks. He is such a complex character!

Ah don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Shizuo isn't a complex character, he is, in his own way but Izaya probably deserved a whole more dimension just for his mind xD

Anyway, I also wanted to apologize for the shitty M-rated scene, I'm not really good at writing them... As for the Ootoro, I wasn't feeling confident enough in my skills to do it yet. Orz

Hopefully, I'll manage to do it in the next sequel!

So yeah that's it, I thank you all for reading this!

See Ya!


End file.
